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My children have been openly talked to from the time they could talk — well, actually beforehand in the womb I talked too much them. During daily bath time, I would go over accurate terminology for body parts and tell them what appropriate touch is and who it was allowed from, during bath time only. They all are aware that touching themselves can be normal, but told them they aren’t allowed to do it in front of others or let anyone else touch them, nor are they to touch anyone else. Kids are naturally curious!
CONSENT-NO ONE IS EXEMPT!
Teaching and respecting consent has always been important to me! If a child doesn’t want to hug, kiss, or be touched, it’s important for them to know they are heard and their feelings VALIDATED. That goes for everyone! On one occasion, my mom got mad because son two didn’t want to hug her. In her opinion, it was just a hug! Well, he didn’t want to be hugged right then and he had a right not to be. My children are ALSO taught to respect bodily integrity, in regards to each other as siblings. I believe it all goes hand-in-hand!
“LET’S TALK ABOUT SEX, BAY- BEEE”…THAT SONG POPPED IN MY HEAD. 😂 ANYWAYS…EXCUSE ME!
My oldest son, Christian, was seven when he became curious about sex, pregnancy, and how babies are born. In this age of social media and technology, it is hard to avoid this conversation, like past generations ignored it and failed us. While you can tell your child that the stork brought the baby to the hospital there may very well be a child like mine in your kid’s class, who will excitedly share the birds and the bees with them after they find out the truth.
Two people will lay together and the man will insert his penis into the woman’s vagina was the innocent version I offered my son, after he began asking. I refuse to lie and tell him only married couples, or people who are in love, have intercourse because that is not the reality we live in. I did — and still do — reassure him that it is better to wait until he is grown- grown because young people are not prepared mentally, nor are they responsible enough for the consequences of sex.
MY CHILD IS THAT CHILD, HE JUST DIDN’T SPILL THE BEANS AT SCHOOL — HOPEFULLY…
Okay, as far as I know, my son didn’t go as far as telling a class mate about how reproduction works. We explicitly told him not to. We told him to keep what we share within the confines of our household. However, shortly after he found out about the birds and the bees, I did get a call from my cousin who said her five-year-old was trying to tell my uncle (his grandfather) where babies come from!
LAUGH, TO KEEP FROM CRYING!
😂 I laugh, but it’s really not funny. As parents, we must be proactive and take these conversations into our own hands, so our children can have foundations on which to make wise decisions. Sure, they are bound to make mistakes, but the proper knowledge can cushion the consequences of said mistakes, which will hopefully prevent them from falling as hard as I and many others have had to. I wish I’d had someone to talk to me as a child; all I was told was, don’t get pregnant. That directive did not serve me well into my teenage and adult years.
BUILDING HEALTHY COMMUNICATION…
The only foundation I had was what my horny friends and I talked about, and a little bit of what I remembered from sex education. While my school instructor did talk about STDs, the seriousness of contracting them was lost on us as teens, and it only takes one encounter to get a disease you may not be able to get rid of. My mom told me to not get pregnant, but no one talked about how serious the mental and emotional aspect of sex is. No one mentioned the hold it can have on you, which could cause you to stay in situationships with people who don’t have your best interest in mind!
WHERE BABIES COME FROM
When I told my son where babies come from, I was then pregnant with Mari’ ; I disclosed the pregnancy to him at around 10 weeks, after my husband and I had grown accustomed to the news that I was pregnant for the fourth time. I had told all the family and friends I wanted to share the news with. If you have kids around elementary age, you know THEY TELL EVERYTHING. If they are nearing elementary school age, PREPARE YOURSELF because their memories never fail them.
I made Christian feel a part of the pregnancy, since this was our third and LAST pregnancy in three yrs. I didn’t want him to feel like, “Oh, here we go again!” He came to the big ultrasounds and EVEN ANNOUNCED THE SEX OF BABYGIRL!! I had envisioned in my mind that I would include him in the labor and delivery. I’d planned to watch YouTube videos of home births with him, as home birth was my desire.
I hate how hospitals don’t allow children in the rooms and will literally threaten to call child protective services on expectant mothers, when childbirth is a normal, everyday occurrence. But that’s a different story for another day. Anyways, during the pregnancy, I discovered mothers who unabashedly shared their stories of their family and children being involved and around for childbirth.
MY HUSBAND IS MORE TRADITIONAL; HE IS TOO YOUNG!
I’m usually the talker, when it comes to conversation because I like to talk too much and my son likes to ask too many questions. My husband does let him know that he can also talk to him, but he still will come to me because I take the time to research his questions and let him know what is normal and not normal.
So, we perform a balancing act how many sex partners we have and when do we have sex is not appropriate! Until last year, when he embarrassingly heard and caught us having sex, he thought we only had sex when I got pregnant. Real talk;he walked into the room right as his dad was standing up, about to hip thrust; he shocked us both and I ended up falling off the edge of the bed, onto the floor.
SMDH…KIDS HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO FILTER!
But I try to answer his questions honestly and openly when he asks, unless it’s a question he has asked, like, why was there loud banging against the wall in the shower? Or, why does sex have a smell? I avoid those because I just don’t have the age appropriate answers for him. The things I have heard repeated or just his random, daily thoughts have left the mouths of my husband, family, friends and even me, wide open. I mean, ever since he learned to talk, he has said the most outlandish, wild things. I hope it makes him a lot of money one day!
PREPARATION: MEETING OPPORTUNITY IS THE KEY TO SUCCESS…
Parents, if you are not at this stage in life yet, HOPE YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE PREPARED, BUT BE PREPARED ANYWAY… like I had to be about a month ago, when my son came to me, talking about he had a wet dream. I mean he had just turned 10 and I was not ready! I am still not ready when he asks about body hair, his voice changing, and talks about how much he likes girl, yet I have to still remind him to use soap and put deodorant on.
While it embarrasses me sometimes, and shocks my husband (and friends — I wish I’d saved some of our group chats through the years ) I am grateful for his comfortability with me. One, because I didn’t have that level of openness with my mom. And two, because I’d rather him bring me the questions and I go to good ole Dr. Google and books, than let him just wonder and let his curiosity get the best of him or get ahold of the wrong books well the generation we live in websites!
MY FAVORITE PLACE…
THE RESOURCES AND BOOKS I HAVE BEEN INTERESTED IN AND USED THE LAST THREE YEARS, SINCE BABIES AND SEX HAS BEEN AN OPEN, ONGOING DISCUSSION…IT DOESN’T EVER END!!
Something for Boys, Girls, and Families…
Amazon has some great, affordable book you can read REVIEWS for and decide what is best and most age appropriate for your child. You can buy one like I did or you can splurge and buy all the books! When you are done pay it forward to another parent who will be joining in the conversation soon! Cause at some point the questions will begin…rather you are ready or not!
I decided to buy the Boy’s Body Book because while the book is recommended for ages 9-12 and he was only 8 his questions were right on target and I wanted him to have a book we could read together and he could walk off and read alone when he wanted to. Some times he would read and check things out in the book; then later come to me for clarification.
This book does not talk about sex but focus on the boys body, the changes that would be soon occurring, and taking care of the body. My son has always been into girls; he was three years old when he would refer to his future wife in conversations with me. That section was not a surprise to him but if you have a late bloomer (WHICH IS ABSOLUTELY FINE…I ALWAYS TELL CHRIS HE HAS HIS WHOLE LIFE FOR GIRLS, FOCUS ON HIMSELF) this is the perfect book to let him know his coming feelings and changing thoughts about the opposite sex are normal.
Daughters and Their Body!
Last but not least I don’t have a prepubescent aged daughter yet but even now I do talk to her about her body and how beautiful she is, the way she is from her head to her toes! All I had growing up was “Dear God, It’s Me Margaret!” a library book where the main character a young girl wish and prayed to God for boobs. That young girl praying for bigger boobs and a period that I would eventually grow to hate with the cramps that accompanied it WAS ME!
I intend to teach her to care and appreciate her womb for exactly how special and worthy it is as the center of her body. From a young age she will celebrate and honor her body as I am re-parenting and educating myself on. In a later post I will discuss cloth and natural, chemical free diapers and pads that we use. Also, an interview with a chemical free, natural pad distributor.
I don’t want her and any way shape or form to hate the body she has or is growing into. Because while we can buy what we hope to turn out to be the perfect body we can’t choose or force it! I want that to be one less chore and pressure of hers…
While waiting for your books to come in the conversation does not have to be delayed. Start now like I did with the websites below!! One of Christian’s biggest questions and concerns I needed to find answers to right away.
I am a parent that is Pro Masturbation. It is normal and I want my kids (especially my daughter in the future to know her body best because I didn’t) to feel comfortable in their complete skin. My 10 year old knows he can masturbate (or touch himself) freely in private: his own bed, under his own bathroom, in the shower. My next two sons are 4 (in March) and 5 they are beginning to touch themselves a little more then normal so I know the conversations will be coming with them too sooner rather then later.
If you are an adult struggling with masturbation and being comfortable with your own body! Here’s my masturbation story…You can overcome being ashamed and embarrassed, too!